When Dr Nazima Saiyed first sought answers for her son Hud’s lack of speech, she never imagined that the diagnosis of autism would change the way she understood motherhood, communication and her child’s future. Being both a Clinical Pharmacologist and a mother, Dr Nazima Saiyed has been going through the process of autism along with Hud, now 20-year-old, dealing with therapies, non-speaking communication and all other uncertainties that come with a diagnosis.
For Dr Nazima, Hud’s story is not about what he can’t do but about faith, patience, unconditional love and the realization that each child has a purpose in life. Also, being based in the United Arab Emirates – where people with disabilities are called “People of Determination” – makes her approach to the topic more nuanced.
Also Read: The Mother I Became After My Child’s Autism Diagnosis
We asked Dr Nazima about what Hud has taught her and what she wants other parents to understand. This is what she shared:
Question) When Hud was diagnosed, what is one thing you wish someone had told you then?
Answer) The most significant person in this situation was undoubtedly the one who diagnosed Hood. After seeking a diagnosis due to his lack of speech, I wish she had warned me that even after numerous hours of therapies like ABA, OT, and speech, he might remain nonverbal. I would not have waited for those therapies to yield results. Additionally, the importance of augmentative and alternative communication should have been stressed; life doesn’t stop for you and your child just because he or she cannot talk.
Question) What is something about Hud that you wish people would notice before they notice his autism?
Answer) Most of us believe that God is the one who created us and the universe. It is believed that humans are among the most exquisite creations of God, Allah, Bhagwan, or Lord, whichever you use to call upon him. For this reason, I pray that people will attribute Hood’s autistic traits to the same deity who made them. Is it possible to dislike a sibling in a family just because he or she is different from you? Are you going to mock him? No, because it’s clear that your mother has also given birth to your brother/sister. So, this lesson should always come to mind first when you encounter someone who is different. Make an effort to understand and appreciate that individual for who they are rather than making fun of them.
Also Read: Pranav Bakhshi Saw Himself in Mr. Bean. Today, He Is India’s First Fashion Model with Autism
Question) What is one everyday moment with Hud that may seem small to others but means the world to you?
Answer) I help Hood brush every morning after he uses the potty. He draws my face closer, rubs his forehead against mine, and smiles. This is my favorite time, and I eagerly await it every morning. Small kids usually show how delighted they are to see you after so many hours when you pick them up from school. As they develop, this decreases, and the school pick-up reaction changes. A lovely line from “Sitaarey Zameen Per” says that kids like Hood never let childhood leave home. I agree and appreciate him in this modest way, which may not matter to many.
Question) Have there been days when you felt completely overwhelmed? What helped you keep going?
Answer) Yes, I have felt it many times and will continue to. Islam believes life is a test, and Allah tests you through your children. The only goal of this test is to become closer to the almighty Allah. Doing so helps you become a better and more kind person by following the almighty’s rules. When you do this, you obey your Lord, who makes life easier and eases your troubles. Simply put, when I’m overwhelmed, I think about Hood’s successes. I thank the most merciful Allah for all his benefits and then ask him to lessen Hood’s problems and direct me to aid him as best I can. Thanks to Allah, Lord of Universe, things settle down in a few days, and life continues till the next obstacle.
Also Read: Prashant Issar’s Ishaara: A Restaurant Where Communication Goes Beyond Words
Question) You often say, “May Allah do what is best for him in both the worlds.” What does that prayer mean to you as Hud’s mother?
Answer) A nursing lady was among the battle prisoners brought to the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him. Every prisoner child she found, she nursed on her chest. The Prophet asked, “Do you think this woman would throw her child into the fire?” We said, “No, not if she could stop it.” The Prophet stated, “Allah is more merciful to His servants than this mother is to her child.” Muslims believe Allah is the best planner and never wrongs anyone. As a human, a mother may do that, but the Almighty does not. This thinking always comforts me when I worry about Hood’s future after I die: “Allah wants and empowers me to serve Hood in every manner I can. Without his strategy, you wouldn’t see the Hood you see today. Thus, when I die, Almighty will replace me with someone else, and life will continue for my beloved Hood.” These thoughts have always saved me from feeling low. My Hood and individuals like him are all innocent people whose accounts will not be taken on judgment day, and the most just almighty Lord will direct him and those like him to the highest levels of heaven. So when I state what you asked in the inquiry, I hope and wish for this outcome.
Also Read: Waiting for Your Child to Speak? A Speech Therapist on the Signs Parents Should Not Miss
Question) You live in Dubai, which has a strong focus on autism support and inclusion. How has living there shaped your understanding of what an inclusive society can look like for Hud?
Answer) You are right—Dubai prioritizes autism support and inclusiveness. Indeed, it has been across the UAE, not just Dubai. First, I admire what the UAE calls people with disabilities “People Of Determination.” Hood says, “Determination teaches us to never give up and work hard to achieve our goals despite mental and physical limitations. When people refer to me by this term, I feel no less than others and recognize that we are not disabled but differently abled. I think terminology matters when someone is appreciated or accepted for who they are, and the UAE has done that for special needs people. The nicest aspect about rulers and governing bodies is that they observe and study what other nations with well-developed autism and inclusion services do. They bring in professionals from there and execute viable and acceptable tactics in the country, which has allowed Hood and many others like him to live better emotionally and physically.
Question) If you could sit beside a parent who has just heard the words “your child is autistic,” what would you want them to hear from you?
Answer) Before marriage, our mothers taught us how to be decent wives, mothers, daughters-in-law, etc. Unfortunately, special needs parenting is not taught since our mothers would never want that for us. However, some women will experience this moment, and if I am near one of them, I would advise them to see it as a blessing rather than a punishment from God for past sins. It’s challenging to understand, but blessings can take numerous forms, such as becoming more compassionate, having patience and knowledge to proceed, or being able to help your child and others. I would argue that if any of these happen in your life, you are a chosen one, and God will bring you and your child many good things. Do not abandon/neglect him/her. Help the best you can. I found I just had to choose what I wanted to do for my Hood, and even though I thought I lacked the talent, it still happened. Keep calm and nurture on, without expectations or comparisons.
