One child refuses to wear a certain t-shirt, another hates the sound of bells and covers ears at a wedding; one gets top marks but forgets where the schoolbooks are, another can talk about trains for hours but will not hold an ordinary conversation; One kid gives no eye contact; another repeats questions or has a tantrum over a slight change in routine?
When viewed through a neurotypical lens, behaviours such as this might appear to be stubbornness, rudeness, laziness, attention-seeking or even bad parenting. However, in the neurodiverse world these differences are part of how the brain processes communication and attention, sensory information and routines/ everyday demands.
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This is the point where understanding neurodiversity comes into play.
A behaviour that looks difficult from the outside may be communicating a need on the inside. Suman Narang, a Development Paediatrician, talks about these points in an elaborate way.
Refusing Certain Clothes
A child who refuses a particular T-shirt may not simply be “fussy.” Certain fabrics, seams, labels, tightness, textures or temperatures can feel intensely uncomfortable and for some autistic children, clothing sensitivity is a genuine sensory experience. Forcing them to tolerate distress can increase anxiety and hence, offering comfortable alternatives can be a more supportive approach.
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Covering their ears
Covering the ears at a wedding, birthday party or school assembly may look dramatic, but loud or unpredictable sounds can be overwhelming. Bells, applause, microphones and crowds can create sensory overload and the child may be trying to regulate rather than misbehave. In these situations, pulling the child out from that environment is not a solution at all. Try giving noise-reducing headphones and quieter spaces and advance preparation can help.
Forgetting Books Despite Getting Good Marks
Academic ability and executive functioning are not the same thing. A child can understand complex concepts and still struggle to organise belongings, remember instructions, plan tasks or manage time. Calling them careless or lazy misses the difficulty. The educators can try visual schedules, checklists, labelled storage and consistent routines can provide useful support.
Talking About One Favourite Topic and Show for Hours
An intense interest in trains, dinosaurs, maps, numbers or a particular television character can be a source of joy, knowledge and regulation but the challenge may arise when conversations become one-sided. Instead of immediately shutting the child down, adults can acknowledge the interest while gently teaching turn-taking, listening and shared conversation.
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Avoiding Eye Contact
Lack of eye contact does not automatically mean someone is ignoring you, being rude or not listening. For some autistic people, maintaining eye contact can feel uncomfortable or distracting and may actually make listening harder. Communication should not be judged solely by eye contact and understand that looking away while listening can still mean someone is engaged.
Repeating Questions
A child repeatedly asking, “When are we leaving?” may not be deliberately annoying you. Repetition can provide reassurance when the child is anxious or uncertain about what happens next. Sometimes the child already knows the answer but needs confirmation. Predictable routines, visual schedules and clear timelines can reduce this uncertainty.
Meltdowns Over Small Changes
A change that seems tiny to an adult can feel enormous to a child who depends heavily on predictability. A different classroom, changed route or unexpected meal may trigger distress. A meltdown is not necessarily a tantrum designed to get something so in these cases, preparation, warnings and flexibility can make transitions easier.
Not Responding When Called
A child who does not respond immediately to their name may be processing sensory input, deeply focused on an activity or struggling to shift attention. It does not automatically mean they are deliberately ignoring someone. Getting close, reducing competing distractions and using clear, simple communication can sometimes work better than repeatedly calling.
Flapping, Rocking or Other Repetitive Movements
Hand-flapping, rocking, spinning or other repetitive movements are often called “strange” by observers. These behaviours, sometimes referred to as stimming, can help with sensory regulation, excitement, anxiety or concentration. Unless the behaviour is causing harm, it does not automatically need to be stopped simply because it looks different.
Having Difficulty With Ordinary Conversation
Being able to speak fluently does not necessarily mean someone finds social communication easy. An autistic person may struggle with knowing when to speak, understanding implied meanings, reading facial expressions or maintaining a back-and-forth conversation. Instead of assuming disinterest or arrogance, recognise that communication styles can differ significantly between neurodivergent and neurotypical people.
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Appearing “Too Sensitive” or Having Strong Emotional Reactions
Some neurodivergent people experience emotions intensely and may become overwhelmed more quickly. What looks like an exaggerated reaction may follow accumulated sensory, social or emotional stress and telling a child to “stop overreacting” rarely teaches regulation. Helping them identify triggers, communicate discomfort and access calming strategies can be more constructive.
Struggling With Everyday Tasks Despite Being Highly Capable
A child may solve difficult mathematics problems but struggle to brush their teeth, pack a bag, start homework or follow several instructions. This apparent contradiction can be confusing to adults. Ability is not uniform across every area. Executive functioning, sensory processing and task initiation can affect everyday independence even when intellectual abilities are strong.
The Bigger Point
Before calling a behaviour “bad,” ask what the behaviour might be telling you. Neurodiversity does not mean every behaviour should simply be accepted without support or boundaries. It means we should look beyond the behaviour, understand its possible function, identify the underlying need and find ways to support the child without shaming them for being different.
Also Read: How to Develop Language Skills in Neurodivergent Children
The goal is not to make every neurodivergent child behave like a neurotypical child, it is to help every child communicate, participate, learn and feel safe.
